Both Sides In Chiraq War Confident They Are Winning; Mathematicians Confirm At Least One Is Wrong

Aspasia—Fighters on both sides of the war between Chiraq and the Dawn Guard Pact told reporters this week that they were confident of victory, prompting mathematicians across the server to confirm that, statistically, at least one of them is wrong.

On the Chiraqi side of the river, the mood was relaxed. Fighters wandered the vault complex, practised with their bows and traded jokes. Asked whether Chiraq was winning, one replied, “Obviously. Look how happy we are.” Another cited a pearl ratio of two to one. A third cited a different pearl ratio. All three gave their source as “the wiki.”

North of the river in Westhelm, the atmosphere was quieter. Few fighters were visible in armour, and most interviews took place over Discord. Coalition fighters said they, too, were in a good position to win, and described the other side as “relatively good sports,” which analysts say is the most polite thing anyone has said during a Civ war in years.

Experts say the difference in mood may reflect the state of the war, or simply the culture of each side. “One side is a coalition of nations that have been around for years,” said one analyst. “The other was founded a few months ago. Of course they’re cheerful. They haven’t had time to get tired of anything yet.”

Mathematicians stress that both sides could, in theory, be partly right. “It’s possible for each side to be winning in its own Discord,” said one. “What is not possible is for both sides to be winning on the actual server. We checked. The server only has one outcome.”

Military historians say this kind of confidence is normal in the middle of a war. “Every war on this server has a stage where both sides think they’re ahead,” said one. “It usually lasts until someone’s vault breaks. Then it becomes very clear, very quickly, who was right.”

Both sides also agree that the war has not increased anyone’s playtime. Asked how many hours a day they now spend at the front, fighters gave answers ranging from three to nine, and then insisted this was “about normal.”

At press time, both sides had released a new, more accurate pearl count, and the two counts did not match.