I’m A Prot Piñata, And I Deserve To Be Pearled With Dignity

For three years now I have walked into every fight on this server wearing full Protection IV, and for three years I have handed that armour to whoever happened to be standing nearest. I am not complaining. Somebody has to keep the economy moving.

Some people call me a “prot piñata.” I know what it means. It means I look dangerous, I hit like a wet sponge, and when you break me open, gifts come out. I have made my peace with this. Every great society needs someone who looks the part and then immediately donates it.

But lately I feel the community has stopped appreciating what I do. When I die now, nobody even says anything in chat. They just pick up my chestplate, check the durability and log off. Once, a man took my helmet, looked at it, said “eh,” and threw it into lava. I made that helmet. I named that helmet.

I ask for one thing. When you pearl me, look me in the eye. Say something kind. Maybe put me in a vault with a window. If you are feeling generous, tell me I fought well, even though we both know I fell off a skybridge while drinking the wrong potion.

I have given this server roughly forty sets of diamond armour. That is more than most nations’ entire treasuries. If you count my swords, I am, by some measures, a major exporter.

So the next time a man in shining Prot IV runs at you screaming, do not laugh. Do not sigh. Respect him. He is about to make your day.

And if you have the time, please send my boots back.