Mount Augusta Relocates Again After Residents Discover New City Also Has Them In It

Mount Augusta—Citing a need for “a genuinely fresh start,” the decade-old city-state of Mount Augusta announced Monday that it would move once more, after residents reported that the new city, much like the old one, still contained them.

The decision comes two years after Mount Augusta left its original home on the low plains around +3052, +2235 for a new site near +4600, −3000, a move officials promised at the time would “change everything about who we are.”

“We thought the problem was the plains,” said longtime resident Brickwall_Steve, 29, packing a shulker of signs reading “Welcome To Mount Augusta.” “Then we moved, and honestly, it was the same people. Same arguments in the town hall. Same guy who reinforces his front door with diamond from the outside. You can change the coordinates, but you can’t change the neighbours.”

A city survey released alongside the announcement found that 87 percent of residents support moving “somewhere we are not,” while 9 percent said they would support the move only if “that one guy” did not come along. The remaining 4 percent said they had not realised the city had moved the first time.

Urban planners say the pattern is not unusual for a city with more than ten years of history across several servers. “Mount Augusta has been rebuilt after collapses, re-founded on new maps and relocated within this one,” said one planner. “At some point you have to ask whether the city is a place or a group of people who keep carrying the same chests around.”

The mayor’s office confirmed the next site had been chosen for its proximity to “fewer of us” and its distance from anything that might remind residents of the last two sites. The office declined to say where it was, explaining that “if we tell people, they’ll just follow.”

Moving crews have already begun dismantling the rail network, which officials say will be re-laid in exactly the same pattern, in a slightly different shade of stone.

At press time, the advance party had arrived at the new site and reported that it was lovely, quiet and, unfortunately, already full of people from Mount Augusta.