“Civ’s Douglas MacArthur” Pearled Over Westhelm, Does Not Return

Westhelm—Fur, the Chiraqi High Councillor known across the server as Posey, was pearled on an Aspasian skybridge over Westhelm on 31 October. He then left the server, its Discord and, according to several sources, “everything,” in what observers described as one of the most complete exits in Civ history.

Witnesses say Chiraq’s spokesman had spent much of the war offering predictions about the coalition, Icenia and their likely futures. Analysts note that none of those predictions included a skybridge.

“He told us retaliation would be guaranteed, prolonged and extremely gratuitous,” said one coalition fighter. “He was right about the prolonged part. It’s just that it was us doing it.”

The pearling was carried out by Shadno, an Icenian fighter, which historians call “a very neat ending.” In 2022, during the Generic War, Shadno was pearled by Rhode Island in a diplomatic incident that dragged Icenia closer to the conflict. Posey was a founding member of Rhode Island.

“It took four years, but the pearl came home,” said one historian. “Most nations on this server don’t last as long as that grudge did.”

His CivWiki page describes him as “one of the Civ genre’s most decorated players, often thought of as Civ’s Douglas MacArthur,” a claim supported by a single footnote linking to Douglas MacArthur’s Wikipedia page. Historians point out that MacArthur is best remembered for leaving and promising “I shall return.” They say Chiraq’s MacArthur appears to have done the first part.

The page also lists the Chiraq war in its table of victories. In the column marked “Role,” it currently reads “KIA by Shadno.” “It’s the most accurate line on the page,” said one wiki editor. “And it was added by mistake.”

Editors have also noticed that the same page gives one of his most famous victories, the Battle in the Hole, as both a 12-versus-3 win and a 3-versus-12 win. “Either he beat a much larger force, or he brought a much larger force,” said the editor. “The page’s position is: both, whichever sounds better.”

Legal scholars in Icenia have meanwhile found a precedent for what to do next. In 2016, as a council member of Veritas on Devoted 3.0, HiImPosey co-signed an official sentencing table for enemy fighters, declaring the sentences final “with no appeals and no second chances.” Under that table, being a leader in a nation at war carries four weeks, and fighting as a major fighter carries six. The sentences stack, and every fighter owes two diamond blocks for armour damage before release.

Icenia has announced it will apply the table to its author “out of respect for his legal tradition.” Officials calculate the sentence at ten weeks, reducible by half at a rate of three stacks of diamonds per week, plus the armour fine.

“We are happy to accept payment,” said an Icenian official. “We just don’t know where to send the invoice. He doesn’t seem to be anywhere.”

In Westhelm, which has hosted much of the fighting, residents declared an unofficial public holiday. “For weeks my town has been a battlefield,” said one. “Now it’s a battlefield with a landmark.” The tour company running day trips to the front has added a stop beneath the skybridge, at which guides point up at a gap in the air and say nothing.

In Chiraq, officials insisted the loss would not affect morale and that the Triumvirate “remains in excellent spirits.” They then asked whether anyone else knew how to post to the announcements channel.

Horse experts also expressed sympathy. According to CivWiki, Fur was once CivRealms’ “largest and most successful horse breeder,” and once had an entire nation wiped out for killing one of his horses. “Whatever you think of the man, he loved horses,” said one breeder. Asked for comment, BritishWanderer said the matter was “not a story a stableboy would tell.”

Chiraq’s pearl count on the wiki, which its Oracle once named the war’s official scorekeeper, has since been updated to include him. The edit was made by Chiraq.

At press time, his wiki page had been updated to add “Pearled by Shadno” under “Legacy,” directly below “Civ’s Douglas MacArthur.”